Why we listen
I picked up a gem of a book this weekend called Everyday Speech: How to say what you mean by Bess Sondel. It was published in 1950 and has some interesting insights into the art of speaking (both public and one-to-one) and listening.
I haven’t finished reading the book, but wanted to share some of its insights on listening.
> Listening is active and involves three operations.
> 1\. We listen to understand. If we don’t understand, we cannot proceed intelligently to the next two operations. When do we understand? Only when we can sum up in ONE sentence (or less) what the other fellow is driving at…
I would add that to fully understand the speaker’s meaning, you must not only understand what he says, but also the emotions behind the words. And you do this through reflective listening; once you have accurately reflected the speaker’s meaning, you can then move on to the second and third parts of listening, which are
> 2\. We listen in order to judge.
>
> 3\. We listen to make use of the material.
My favorite quote from his discussion on listening:
> Listen for controlling ideas, but remember ideas are conveyed by words. Don’t slide over words–even familiar words. The meaning of a word must be found in its context.
And, again, reflective listening comes into play here. By paraphrasing the speaker’s words, you ensure that your understanding of the words and the speaker’s understanding of their words are in-line.
Pick up the book. It’s well worth the $1.00 cost.
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