“Sending Solutions” roadblocks are solutions that you suggest to the speaker. Even if they accept your solutions over the short term, they will grow to resent you over the long haul—whether you solution was right or wrong, it doesn’t matter. People must be allowed take ownership of their decisions without intervention on your part. The amazing thing: if you listen to people—really listen to them, they will generally come to their own decisions. Might not be the choice you would have selected, but at least it is their choice.

The five “Sending Solutions” roadblocks are:

• Ordering. “Commanding the other person to do what you want to have done.”[1]

• Threatening. “Trying to control another person’s actions by warning of negative consequences.”[1]

• Moralizing. “Telling people what they should do.”[1]

• Excessive/Inappropriate Questioning. Excessive close-ended questions.

• Advising. “Giving the person a solution to their problem.”[1]

You might have a great solution to the problem someone is trying to work through, but when is trying to work through their problems, offering them other solutions will, most likely, just complicate the situation and create animosity between you and them over the long haul.

[1] I’m certainly no expert on listening. Most of the ideas and all of the quotes come from an amazing book by Robert Bolton: People Skills. IMO, it is the greatest book on how to apply listening skills in your everyday life, but don’t just take my word for it.