The remaining three roadblocks change the topic of the conversation. They communicate boredom on your part or that the problems of the speaker are unimportant to you.

• Diverting. “Pushing the other’s concerns aside through distraction.”[1] This is akin to going off on a topic that’s tangential to what the speaker is talking about.

• Logical Argument. “Attempting to convince the other with fact or logic.”[1] Logic has its place, but it is not usually received well when people’s emotions or relationships are involved.

• Reassuring. “Trying to stop the other person from feeling the negative emotion she is experiencing.”[1] This belittles the person’s emotions and prevents them from fully owning their experience.

Focus on the speaker—on what she is saying. You might actually connect with someone in a meaningful way.

[1] I’m certainly no expert on listening. Most of the ideas and all of the quotes come from an amazing book by Robert Bolton: People Skills. IMO, it is the greatest book on how to apply listening skills in your everyday life, but don’t just take my word for it.