More interesting words from Steve. His latest post answers the question: why become an extrovert? A lot of folks were asking this question, and he provides a moving answer—one that I am definitely going to keep in the forefront of my mind the next time I’m caught in an uncomfortable social situation.

But the reason he gives (creating powerful relationships with people) is not the reason I decided to work on improving my social interaction skills. Rather, I wanted to have a fighting chance to accomplish several of my life’s goals and I knew I could not do it alone. And I knew because I read Keith Ferrazzi’s book: Never Eat Alone. It’s an amazing book about why building relationships matter, about how to connect with people, and about creating meaningful relationships with every person you meet.

Anyway, read Steve’s post and pick up Keith’s book. You’ll be the better for it—even if you disagree with every word they wrote—though I doubt you will.

I just finished reading Steve Pavlina’s How to go from an introvert to an extrovert. It’s a great read, and like so many of Steve’s articles, I completely agree with everything he says.

In the last comment of Steve’s post, as of this writing, someone asked how to develop social skills. As someone who has been working to to improve his social skills over the past few months, I’ve found that successful social interaction starts with a few basic techniques:

• Smile. This is probably one of the greatest things you can do to meet new people. I’ve just started a new job and have had a lot of luck meeting new people just by smiling. Appear friendly and open and people are much more likely to talk to you than if you’re stoic.
• Be prepared. People are, at some point, going to ask about you—your thoughts, your opinions, your life. Think about your answers, but don’t have “pat” answers. It’s more like having interesting bullet points to talk about. Some common questions to be prepared to answer include:
  • What do you do?
  • Are you married?
  • How did you meet your spouse?
  • Do you have any kids?

• Be interested. Take responsibility for being interested in what the other person is saying. If you’re not interested in them, it’s your fault. Ask yourself: what can I do to make this conversation more interesting? And do it. How do you communicate interest? See the next bullet.
• Engage. This is probably the most important social interaction skill you will develop. When you’re talking to someone, fully engage them. At the core of engagement is listening, but engagement also includes asking questions and appropriate body language.
• Adapt. Social situations change at the drop of a hat. Add a fourth person to a 3-way conversation and you’ve exponentially increased the complexity of the relationships. This is something that I’m having particular trouble with.
• Get out of the way. Often, I find myself in conversations asking myself: “What do I say next?” Relax and go with the the flow of the conversation.

And, really, the best advice I can give for improving your social interaction skills: get out there. You can:

• observe people who have strong social interaction skills.
• have one-on-one conversations with people who you think are interesting.
• Read. If you want to be a good programmer, you read books about programming. If you want to have good social interaction skills, read about improving social interaction skills.Some good reads:
  • How to Go From Introvert to Extrovert
  • The Multiple Self - blog post on how to actually make changes in your self.
  • Are you listening to me? Learning to Listen? Learn what to listen FOR
  • Quickly connect with people
  • How to listen: Following skills
  • How to listen: Attending Skills
  • How to Listen: Reflecting Skills
  • People Skills: How to assert yourself, listen to others, and resolve conflict by Robert Bolton
  • Never Eat Alone by by Keith Ferrazzi, Tahl Raz