Developing social interaction skills
September 14th, 2005I just finished reading Steve Pavlina’s How to go from an introvert to an extrovert. It’s a great read, and like so many of Steve’s articles, I completely agree with everything he says.
In the last comment of Steve’s post, as of this writing, someone asked how to develop social skills. As someone who has been working to to improve his social skills over the past few months, I’ve found that successful social interaction starts with a few basic techniques:
- Smile. This is probably one of the greatest things you can do to meet new people. I’ve just started a new job and have had a lot of luck meeting new people just by smiling. Appear friendly and open and people are much more likely to talk to you than if you’re stoic.
- Be prepared. People are, at some point, going to ask about you—your thoughts, your opinions, your life. Think about your answers, but don’t have “pat” answers. It’s more like having interesting bullet points to talk about. Some common questions to be prepared to answer include:
- What do you do?
- Are you married?
- How did you meet your spouse?
- Do you have any kids?
- Be interested. Take responsibility for being interested in what the other person is saying. If you’re not interested in them, it’s your fault. Ask yourself: what can I do to make this conversation more interesting? And do it. How do you communicate interest? See the next bullet.
- Engage. This is probably the most important social interaction skill you will develop. When you’re talking to someone, fully engage them. At the core of engagement is listening, but engagement also includes asking questions and appropriate body language.
- Adapt. Social situations change at the drop of a hat. Add a fourth person to a 3-way conversation and you’ve exponentially increased the complexity of the relationships. This is something that I’m having particular trouble with.
- Get out of the way. Often, I find myself in conversations asking myself: “What do I say next?” Relax and go with the the flow of the conversation.
And, really, the best advice I can give for improving your social interaction skills: get out there. You can:
- observe people who have strong social interaction skills.
- have one-on-one conversations with people who you think are interesting.
- Read. If you want to be a good programmer, you read books about programming. If you want to have good social interaction skills, read about improving social interaction skills.Some good reads:
- How to Go From Introvert to Extrovert
- The Multiple Self - blog post on how to actually make changes in your self.
- Are you listening to me? Learning to Listen? Learn what to listen FOR
- Quickly connect with people
- How to listen: Following skills
- How to listen: Attending Skills
- How to Listen: Reflecting Skills
- People Skills: How to assert yourself, listen to others, and resolve conflict by Robert Bolton
- Never Eat Alone by by Keith Ferrazzi, Tahl Raz
September 15th, 2005 at 1:23 am
I don’t understand the core of this logic. Why would someone want to become an extrovert in the first place? Not every introvert is a recluse shut up in thier house without a telephone and wrting in little journals all day. I think that Pavlina makes no effort to explain why being an introvert is so undesirable and thus has no basis to assume that the general introverted population would gain any benefits from becoming an extrovert.
February 19th, 2006 at 5:46 am
Thanks for posting this blog and for having the willingness to share your knowledge with others. I understand that it’s a work in progress (since I’m sure you’re still learning) but I think it’s awesome that someone is willing to give others who are treading down similar paths a preliminary map.
Much appreciated and best wishes on your journey (I’m just barely embarking on mine)!
February 23rd, 2006 at 2:59 pm
[…] I was reading this how to go from introvert to extrovert article over at Steve’s website when I came across a link to Rick’s website. Although it does not seem to have been updated in quite some time but I did find this nice article about social interaction which I think is pretty good and to the point. I do not or rather cannot relate to some of the issues mentioned in there because I AM a social person by nature. I have never had problems in meeting and talking to new people but I do know a LOT of people around me who seem to have this problem. It was not until long time ago that I could undestand this concept. If something comes naturally to us, we do not realise its importance. Like the time when I broke my wrist and had a cast for 3 months. Although, I did learn to survive and get the basic tasks done with my left hand (I am right handed) but I did develop some ambidextrous skills after that incident. It was at that time I realised that some of the things that I took forgranted were not that easy for some other person with one hand. Now I can at least understand when someone havs a problem with social interaction situation. It was a completly foreign thing to me some time back. But yeah read the article at Rick’s website. He also has a couple of nice links at the end of the article which are worth reading too. […]
February 23rd, 2006 at 2:59 pm
[…] I was reading this how to go from introvert to extrovert article over at Steve’s website when I came across a link to Rick’s website. Although it does not seem to have been updated in quite some time but I did find this nice article about social interaction which I think is pretty good and to the point. I do not or rather cannot relate to some of the issues mentioned in there because I AM a social person by nature. I have never had problems in meeting and talking to new people but I do know a LOT of people around me who seem to have this problem. It was not until long time ago that I could undestand this concept. If something comes naturally to us, we do not realise its importance. Like the time when I broke my wrist and had a cast for 3 months. Although, I did learn to survive and get the basic tasks done with my left hand (I am right handed) but I did develop some ambidextrous skills after that incident. It was at that time I realised that some of the things that I took forgranted were not that easy for some other person with one hand. Now I can at least understand when someone havs a problem with social interaction situation. It was a completly foreign thing to me some time back. But yeah read the article at Rick’s website. He also has a couple of nice links at the end of the article which are worth reading too. […]
April 1st, 2006 at 7:20 am
hi
i need study about social skills of autism
thank you